Salading Saladong - first leaf

i have started a new diet
i start a new one every month or so
at times i have to revisit old ones
some times i make up new ones
but more importantly i lose little weight

that said, the problem is not the diets themselves
but the lack of persistance from my part

anywhat my new diet consists of having first a breakfast (non specific)
and then having the other two meals consist of anything i want as long as it is supplied with a raw vegetable salad
this diet idea i got from a jason vale and from reading his book
great guy
with great tips

anywho
this means that when i m eating out i now tend to order salads as meals or with meals proper

many restaurants think that when a fucker orders a salad he means shredded lettuce and green olives
which clearly is the worst way of preparing a plate of the finest food nature has provided

hopefully by reading this you will know what to look for in a good salad, what to avoid and how to prepare some fine-dine and proper dish of green for you to eat

1. do not serve humans what is intended for goats

this means that if it looks like grass on a plate it will most probably taste like grass off a plate
dont shred or cut your lettuce and raw cabbage instead use a far more charming technique
seriously
and tear the leaves
with your fingers that is
i cant stand cut-lettuce any more
there s something very wrong about it
it looks like someone dumped the contents of a lawnmower bag on your china
it hangs about everywhere
and falls off forks
even if you re skilled
the texture is also lost as it becomes a defined preset shape for a food
lettuce
which is already in its nature not the vegetable equivalent of a crisp flamed marshmallow
and of course visually it is the aesthetical equivalent of an mdina-in-the-sunset landscape
seen it before and afraid you will have to keep seeing it again and claiming the been-there-done-that routine

i cannot stress this enough
never ever shred lettuce
unless you re aiming for desacration proper

2. do not slice tomatoes and onions and expect to accomplish anything in life

one thing i hate in these tourist-catering
maltese-serving
eateries i dare not call restaurants
is
that they think that having the power to
to trap bread between a griller
and making a toastie is enough to make them legit to serve food to people
these cheesecake-microwaving farts with their family businesses
keep on giving me sides with sliced onion and tomato
neatly put on top of each other
(please understand that the term "neatly" is here loaded with the connotations of hate, anger and frustration)

3. mayonnaise, cooking oil and vinegar are cheap short cuts for a dressing and a slice of lemon is only just a sufficient garnish

i know that you re probably thinking that mayonnaise is good and whatever
but keep your mayo for your chips
and when it comes to salads it is best to use it as an element in a mixture with other ingredients and thus then having a dressing rather than a paste or a blob

those are some plain pointers and definite donts when it comes to serving salads to people or to yourself
stay tuned for more

gastronomically yours

glen