if i could have one superpower, it would be the ability to fix bad food

not true of course
because if i really had to choose
a superpower i would pick something more dangerous like rapid healing, super-strength or laser sight

or actually a good superpower would be to have all the extra calories i eat make people i dislike get fat
rather than myself

immortality would be sweet as well...

-departing from flights of fancy and returning to my computer desk to give you this story

The Glen Who Saved Easter Mint Sauce

I press a lot of buttons
and finger-tap away.
A story of Easter
of wonderment and play.

After partying slightly
Easter Sunday I wake.
Sober but lazy
Make! Make! Make!

if this is sounding like a dr seuss book
you haven't read
its because that was my intention
if not
(and this is where i shoot myself in the foot)
it is because i have poor creative writing skills
(and this is where i patronize you)
because you aren't well read in children books

i'm trying to make out a story out of nothing
nothing so great happened
but i did fix an otherwise spoilt mint sauce

and i like giving myself credit
even when i'm not so due

i m living in a house
away from my parents
with two housemates
the word "housemates" is an important delineation device
it attempts to mask the described constituents into gender-neutral subjects

although if i was living with two girls i would have probably made that quite clear from the start and avoided all the stealthy-wordy-sneakiness
so maybe i should stop treating you
my readers
so condescendingly

because you're ahead of me already

and so
here it is

quick question...

its an easter sunday morning
you live close to church
and you need to improvise malt vinegar for a mint sauce
what do you do?

the back-story to this
is that we went to a party where we didn't party much
but one of us
let's call him mark
(the name is fictitious because.......

that's what i wrote and then i closed the browser window
where all the wordy magic happens
and i forgot about this blog post
it was easter and months have passed now
it's almost summer
and today i'm here to put an end to my digression and forge ahead the beautiful story of the lamb mint sauce

where was i?!

..........his name is fictitious for reasons... i have now forgotten
two months have passed
i don't know what i was blabbing about then and i seem to have misplaced that train of thought

i hope you're ready for the end of the story because it will soon be upon you

i cooked lamb back ribs
in the oven from a recipe
from the larousse gastronomique

apparently this was a blatant lie
mark actually cooked the ribs not me

then mark amongst other things had to prepare a mint sauce from a recipe he found online
and it came very vinegary and bad tasting
this happened because he substituted regular white vinegar for malt vinegar and because he trusted a untrustworthy source on the internet

we where also very hungover from the shit we poured into ourselves the night before
mark went to back to bed

so there i was in my new house and kitchen on easter sunday with bad acidic mint sauce
and only an hour to fix it

i made myself some bovril
and undid most of the hangover with one fell swoop

(i m sure this last part is a complete fabrication, but it adds to the story

memory can be a very creative thing!!)

once my heavy-headedness subsided and my powers restored i reached into the far depths of the secret culinary-mischievousness lobe of my brain
and in the darkness of the darkest of the caverns of the psyche
i battled the Monster of Chef's Block!
a duel of epic proportions and it lasted a good four minutes
as i slayed the beast of creative-apathy...
as it lay dying in agony
it used up its last energies by pointing to the Inner Sanctum of Enlightened Taste
and there it was
clear before me...

the sauce was vinegary
that was bad

the sauce was minty
that was good

the original sauce recipe included malt vinegar

an added malty taste to the sauce would bring out its minty acidity and make a beautiful accompaniment to lamb
browned on the outside with gradient of inner pink core

where could i get malt on an easter sunday morning???

...then the stroke of humble genius

i left the house and headed to the village square
on the way there
a well built middle aged man in full period roman centurion garb approached me
that would be a mindfuck anywhere else but malta during holy week
there and then this indicated that the easter sunday procession was over
and that lunchtime was soon upon us
i hurried to the labour party band club bar
and bought myself 8 packets of...


hehe yeah that's how!

and then i went back home
chucked the maltesers in the freezer
then i drained the vinegar from the sauce and cooked it in a little water
took out the maltesers
cracked the frozen milk chocolate shells and kept the malty balls inside
these i crushed
and added to the sauce
till they melted....

the rest is history

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